Another night of not sleeping. I can feel my body getting worn down and sick from not being able to sleep. I've been praying and trying to figure out why I've had a hard time sleeping... I guess whatever God is trying to teach me, I'm not getting it yet. I'm still seeking God in what He has planned for me and what I need to work on.. and that list goes on for about a mile, hahaha. He seems to have a sense of humor like that.
There's been so much going on that I feel like I'm almost drowning. To top everything off, a very close friend passed away on the 11th. There won't be a funeral which is hard. I don't know how to say goodbye or let go without a funeral. There's no closure, and I wouldn't even know where to begin on starting the healing process. Now I know why people pay so much money for funerals. It's caused me to examine my own life. What does God want me to do? What is His calling on my life? I know what He's given me a heart for and what I want to do, but is it what God wants? I find it so easy to fall into the mindset of "I want this, I want that, that would be nice" when I know it should be "what does God want for me? What can I do to bless someone else?". I'm reminded of a verse God gave me the other day... Philippians 4:10-13 - What an encouragement to know that not only does God acknowledge our struggle to be content but He gives us strength to be content in whatever situation we're facing. Not sure if I'm the only one, but that's hard - to be content in whatever situation we're facing. Obviously, God knew I was going to struggle with this along with other people. So He gave us the strength to be content. We can't be happy or be content unless we allow ourselves to -
#1- Accept whatever work God is doing in our lives as part of His divine plan
#2- Let go of everything we're holding on to and lay them at the cross
#3- Allow His peace and His Ru'ach Ha Kodesh (Holy Spirit) to saturate us
#4- Believe and hold on to the promise that He will never leave us and that everything works out for the good of those that love the Lord.
So I'm gonna hold on with everything I have left in me for the promise that He will never let me walk alone.
I don't think anyone can see me
I don't feel anyone is there
To catch me if I fall
And I can't help but hide myself
Longing for the arms of Jesus
Waiting for the One I love
To whisper in my ear
And tell me I am loved again
I feel you inside of me, I'm not alone
It's the right time to feel your love again
'Cause they can't see me
And they don't wanna let me in
But You are smiling 'cause you know where I began
And I know it's time
To feel your love again
The Right Time by Jake
1 comment:
I stumbled upon your post and I want to say thank you for being so real. I have been asking myself some of the same questions lately about if this passion I have in me is really from G-d or just me. I have also had to deal with the death of my father recently and find myself still questioning why G-d did not heal him after so many prayers. Your mention of Phil 4:10-13 was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you again for being so real in the writing of your emotions and thoughts.
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