Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death. :: Song of Solomon 8:6
Dear future husband,
Last night, I felt the need to drive. So I drove out to the middle of no where. Alone, with the sound of crickets and the summer breeze blowing through the grass. All the many stars and the milky way dancing overhead. It was here, in this raw moment of nature's beauty that my heart yearned for you. And it was here I prayed for you.
I often think of you, wondering if we've met or have yet to meet. I long for the life we're going to build. I long for that partnership to face everything life throws at us; the good, the bad, and everything in between. I long for "us". For holidays, vacations, for weekends, weekdays, for all of our successes and failures. For the nights we pass out in each other arms because we're both exhausted, to the nights we stay up talking and laughing like best friends.
Life dealt me a set of cards I was never prepared to play with. Divorced with a beautiful son has been an extremely humbling experience. Dating has lead to it's fair share of pain. I've heard things about my son and I being too much to handle, too much responsibility. Even learning how to date again after being married for so long has been difficult. The responsibility to find someone to marry is also weighted by the responsibility to find a good, solid role model for my son. God has pulled some major insecurities out and He's still working on it. He's done a great job of keeping me on my knees and dependent on Him to fulfill my needs. It's been painful, but it's taken a long time to get to this place where I can appreciate my brokenness because it's in these moments that I feel free, beautiful, and strong because of the work He's doing in me. He's getting me ready for you. He's breaking these bonds, cleaning out baggage, and preparing my heart to love and serve you, unconditionally and joyfully, for the rest of my life.
As I prayed for you, I heard God speak. Clearly, and in a gentle voice, "He's not ready for you just yet. Just a little while longer." Can I admit that it hurts to hear? I am trying so hard to be patient, but I just want you. The desire to get married after a divorce is different than it was when I was single. It's much more painful. But I have peace knowing He's working in me, and He's working in you. All of that is okay, because His timing is perfect. So I wanted to make you a promise. I promise I am going to make every effort to guard my heart for you. To work hard at repairing the areas in my heart that are broken and to build my confidence and trust in Him. So that when we say "I do," I have no expectations of the future but to stand on the promise to love you, completely and fully, until death.
I am anxiously awaiting you. To witness your life. To encourage you and support you. To have your back in the good times and the bad. To make every effort to find joy in the mundane, and strength in the times of struggle. To love you, respect you, and esteem you above everyone else.
I am praying for you. That God strengthens you in to the man He has called you to be. That He gives you the space in your heart to love my son as your own, and to be the model of masculinity my son, and the world so desperately need. I'm praying He prepares and guards your heart for marriage to me.
Until we look into each other's eyes and know this is it, I'm already in love with you. And will be, always.
Elizabeth
